How to Raise Your Child's Self-Esteem

All parents want high self-esteem for their children. How do we get it? Self-esteem develops as a result of relationships that youngsters form with adults in their lives. Adults reflect back to children who they are and the amount of their value. Parents who wish to promote high self-esteem show their children that they are worth their time and attention. They offer respect, acceptance, affection, forgiveness, support, and unconditional love. Home is a place of safety and belonging, where needs are taken seriously and met promptly. Feelings can be expressed and choices can be made. Each individual’s uniqueness is appreciated.

Parents can also model self-love by accepting and caring for themselves. Children need to see that mom and dad take care of themselves by eating nourishing meals, balancing work and play, practicing good hygiene, exercising for fitness, getting enough rest, and taking time for spiritual concerns.

As children mature, parents can begin turning over more and more responsibility to them. This gradual process leads to growth in both independence and self-esteem. Each child needs to be encouraged to try new things and to look at mistakes as opportunities for learning. Overprotection gets in the way of self-reliance and expresses lack of faith in the child’s abilities. For example, when children are in kindergarten, parents may do most of the addressing of their child’s Valentines. By the time children are in second or third grade, however, they may be able to complete the job with very little help. By sixth grade, students may even plan purchases or create gifts for holidays entirely on their own. Independence skills and self-esteem grow as children practice managing their own affairs and surviving their own mistakes.

A youngster with high self-esteem will be better able to deal with life’s pressures. Temptations of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as sexual experimentation, will be facing them all too soon. Enhancing self-esteem is perhaps the most important job a parent can do to assist a child in combating peer pressure and in achieving goals. It’s never too early or too late to start building self-esteem. Remember that the way children view themselves is a reflection of their parents’ view of them. As mirrors, we want to be sure we are reflecting positive facial expressions and eye contact. We can notice and comment on strengths and special qualities. We can encourage efforts and offer specific praise. We can express enthusiasm for their interests. We can show appreciation for their presence.

As independence and self-esteem grow, children think, “I am capable; I am competent; I CAN!” That winning attitude will be their reward - and yours.